Unicorn Report #1

One day there was a unicorn named Tim. Tim was wandering a field of silky green grass when he came upon a little girl.
Tim wanted to talk to the little girl but all unicorns know that they aren’t real so they also know that they can’t talk. This made Tim cry. Even though Tim wasn’t real he could still cry, for he desperately wanted to be real. This is what most unicorns do most of the time. Cry. And this is because they almost all want to be real. There are a few exceptions though. Janet and Roy are the two I will mention, but only because I know them. Anyway the unicorn can see and feel and breathe and cry and laugh but they are just imaginary. And one of the most frustrating things about this is HORSES. The only difference between unicorns and horses is a twisty horn… that’s it! That’s what makes them so emotional all the time.” If it weren’t for the horn we’d be real”, they thought! They’d have to be called horses but who cares!? They could talk to little girls in fields! Well no they couldn’t do that because they’d be horses and horses can’t talk… but they’d be real! This would mean that they wouldn’t cry all the time. It must be horrible to just want something so bad but you can’t have it. No matter what. Some unicorns have even tried to have their horns removed to see if they would magically turn into horses and be real but this didn’t work. They tried all sorts of things like running straight into trees to get their horns stuck in them so they could have some leverage to break them off, but they would just normally break their necks on impact. They even tried to get other unicorns to bite them off. Roy would do it for them but they would just bleed to death. Roy would warn them but they didn’t care, it was a kind of euthanasia. An easy way to escape the pain of a life not lived. Roy had a sour reputation with most in the community but it’s not like he asked for anything in return. He was just doing what was asked of him.
The other thing that makes unicorns sad is the NARWHAL. It’s real, yet it has the same twisty horn that the unicorn does. So what are these poor imaginary creatures supposed to think? Some thought hey, perhaps if I were to live underwater like the narwhal then perhaps I will become real! But no. All that tried drowned. For they have no blowholes or gills or scuba gear, all of witch are needed to live a happy and successful life in the ocean kingdom.
So we have now concluded that it is not the having of the horn or the not having of the horn that decides the existence of this mythical being. This we know. For many an imaginary life has been sacrificed to this end.
Now let us move on to the wings. Most unicorns portrayed in airbrush form on the sides of vans with small teardrop shaped windows have wings. Yet most are not portrayed flying, only standing proud and majestic aside topless warrior queens or barbarians brandishing ornate blades. Some say they can fly and others claim them to be amongst the descendants of the dodo or chicken.
Here is my point.
I have told you of Tim and his sad heart breaking situation. Wanting only to be real and to talk to little girls in green fields. And I have told you of the frustration of many a unicorn trying to understand why they can have some of the same qualities as some of the real animals in the world yet not be real or recognized as such.
My point is.
I told you. This is MY report. And this is what I choose to be written.
I encourage us all to have an opinion. And I encourage us all to write it down.
For if we do not, creatures like our friend Tim the unicorn will be lost in time forever.
Thank You.
Your friend,
Leonard J. Gallant.